12 November 2027
Friday. I have asked for a secret tunnel. Every great pirate has a secret tunnel. Mine would run from my quarters to the sea, and I would use it for dramatic exits.
The management said no. My ship, they explained, was built so that nobody ever has to crawl or squeeze anywhere. You walk in, you walk about and, if you are clever, you walk out. That way prisoners who are expecting a baby, or who cannot crawl, or simply would rather not, all get the same hour as everybody else.
Tonight one of my prisoners was a grandmother with a walking stick. She went from the hold to my quarters at her own pace and spent the hour pointing at things with the stick. Every one of them mattered. I have never been so efficiently plundered.
I asked Scarface if he would dig me a little tunnel anyway, after hours. He said he would think about it. He has been thinking about it since 2021.
Duchess has made a tunnel through a loaf of bread. She is very pleased with herself. At least somebody aboard has one.
— Captain Calico Jack, Terror of the Seas (all of them)
